I've been thinking about ever so many things lately. But in particular about God's providence, His will, and his infinite grace and mercy. The year of 2009 began rather hard for me. I started building up many resolutions, and there were ever so many things that I wanted to do. I am talking about in terms of activities and things like that. However, I saw every single thing that I had planned to do, from January till May, completely dashed. This was because of my mother's ill-condition: she suffers greatly from adrenal exhaustion. Chloe and I had to commit ourselves to staying home a lot, and taking care of her. I had worked too hard on school in the autumn of 2008, so I was exhausted from that, and didn't feel ready to cope with the crisis: that is, accepting God's will or living in rebellion against Him. I knew that if I submitted, I would feel a sweet bliss. I knew that if I continued to rebel, I would be miserable and unhappy. I would find no solace or comfort in God's will when I rebelled against it. So, in late January, I decided to submit, but more because I was afraid of how I would feel if I didn't. Besides, mother's being pregnant again was exciting news for me. But then she lost the baby in early February.
After this the downfall of my plans really began to happen. Even though they were little, they meant a lot to me. But then I thought about all the lessons God had taught me in the past two miscarriages that mother had had. I had learned so much, and I would not take those babies back for anything, because of what I learned. Reflecting on this gave me greater insight into the blissful acceptance of God's will. Finally, I was able to whole-heartedly accept God's will. The idea of laying passive in his hand was so exciting to me, that whatever His will was, I was excited to do. Because whatever I do, and wherever I go will be to glorify God and not myself!
O! This realization is so incredibly sweet, and it leaves me in a state of such bliss and joyousness, that everyday with its disappointments could be counted with joy, if it were only for the sake of submitting with joy to God's will! And how comforting it is, that Romans 8:28 is so true, that everything works out for good, for those who love God and are called according to his will! To me, it is sublimity to rest in his providence. It fills me with wonder, and amazement, and complete and utter fascination that it tends to leave me in a stupor, or a reverie. And that reverie is so sweet that I could live in it forever. :)