Sunday, June 28, 2009

What You Get When You Combine Rootbeer, Fear, and Exhaustion

I do apologize for not posting recently... This past Wednesday I traveled last minute down to West Virginia to visit my very good friend Olivia Howard. Some of you may remember a like visit last year in July/August. I was going to go on Thursday, but then we discovered that Mr. Clarke was in town, and going home that night! It would save plenty of gas for us. (The Clarkes only live 30 minutes from the Howards, and the distance from our house to the Clarkes is 3 hours... to the Howards, 3.5). So... having 15 minutes to pack, I did that.... and then...

(okay, short interruption for apology... I know I make long introductions! sorry!)

I went down to Southern Ohio with Mr. Clarke. We had a very interesting conversation that involved math/engineering, politics, government, prison, poor people, the abolition of the slave trade, history, and all sorts of stuff. :D It was very intelligent and fun.

So here I am at the Howards.

And now on to the actual post...

The Howards have a little apartment attached to their garage. It includes a kitchen/breakfast area, and then upstairs is the main room they use for schooling, or sewing, a library, bathroom, and a big bedroom. So during the time I'm here (till July 4) Olivia and I are staying in the apartment! The other day we bought rootbeer and ice-cream for - can you guess? Yup! rootbeer floats! So we had some one night... and then last night decided we needed more. There was enough ice-cream for us each to have one. We brought the stuff from the kitchen to the bedroom, and prepared and enjoyed them (thoroughly) there.

When I was little I watched a rather scary show on tv.... I don't need to go into specifics about it, but for years I had a dread of windows at night. I hated them... unless they had curtains or blinds. Even though I'm older now, whenever I pass by a dark window at night, it makes me nervous and giddy. What I saw when I was little terrified me to such an extent, that it never really went away.

Now, when we were done with the rootbeer floats, there was still a little more than a third of a 2 liter bottle of rootbeer left... It needed to go down to the fridge... but it was rather late, and Olivia and I both were exhausted from working in the garden all day... hauling 50 pound rocks from a creek up a hill to the car... plus a number of bricks... for landscaping... and a whole bunch of things.... In short, neither one of us felt up to getting up and taking the rootbeer downstairs to the fridge...

And also...

I was nervous about the windows....

"We'll just leave it and put it away in the morning," Olivia said.

"But Olivia... if we don't take it down, it will get flat, and lose it's fizz, and then tomorrow it won't be good!" I argued.

"Well... it's okay... just leave it..."

So I left it.

But after fifteen minutes, the bottle of rootbeer was bothering me. There wasn't any point in letting it get flat, was there? That would be a waste of good rootbeer!

What were we going to do?


I looked at the rootbeer. My martyrdom was drawing nigh. There was but one option, and one only (that we would consider) to save the rootbeer from flatting and that was....

to drink it myself.

I took a deep sigh as I submitted to my fate.

And then....

Drank all that was left of the rootbeer...

...experiencing the consequences all through the night.


Chloe (aka 'Melanie') said...


Omg... that made me laugh SO hard!!!

Aww, Ruby I miss you so!!

Anonymous said...

This is too risible. How interesting. Very fun reading!

James said...

Ruby, You should make that into a poem.
And Please, Please don't tell me you really drank the WHOLE thing.

Ruby Jean Hopkins said...

Dearest Chloe:
Hahaha! Glad I made you laugh!! :D It was obviously my object.

I miss you tons too... wish I could talk to you 24/7.

Wow! This is the shortest comment you've ever posted! Congratulations! :D

Hey...that's a good idea!
No, I didn't drink the WHOLE thing... just between 1/3 and 1/2. :D It was still quite a bit.


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

The Battle of Burkham Court.
The sad saga of Miss Ruby Jean and Madam Marie.

Twas dark outside and the wind did blow,
And on the air was a root beer float.

It blew through the trees far and near,
Showing two underage ladies had just drank beer

But they were not yet quite done
“Go to bed” said the quiet one.

“Okay” whispered she in fear,
“I guess you’re right; we’ll leave the beer.”

Oh but oh, there it sat, wafting through the room,
Out through the window, into her doom!

Down the wall and onto the ground,
The root beer was making its way far around.

Then that scent did touch a furry pink nose,
Found huddled in a hole down below.

It perked up but could not see,
Still climbed out, determinedly,

It followed the smell until it hit a wall,
Lost the trail and then did fall.

Up above poor Miss Ruby Jean,
Could not sleep because of her dream.

“How can such pleasure go to waste?”
“It shall soon spoil in this place.”

But time was short for beneath poor Miss Ruby Jean,
Again came that tenacious little mole, running with steam.

He wanted that smell; he wanted it bad.
And would get there even if he had to break glass.

He climbed up the tree and onto the roof,
Over the shingles and towards that tempting root,

On top of the gutter then to the sill with speed,
Only to say, “What is this window in front of my screen?”

While inside the room lay a damsel in great distress,
This night the poor girl would find no rest.

She wanted that smell, and wanted it bad,
But Madam Marie was becoming now mad.

“Go to sleep and just leave it there.”
“You don’t have to take it down the stairs.”

“But Livvy, I just can’t; it would be such a shame.”
“Don’t be cross; be thankful I came!”

He was climbing down now, to go through the door.
Knowing that he would have to ascend to the upper floor.

However, he found a small shiny stone beside a beam.
He thought long and hard wondering “What can this mean?”

After giving up on finding any such answer,
He scurried towards the door, trying to enter.

Under the opening, into the kitchen,
Up the stairway, past all the linens.

Past the books, furniture and threads.
Through the hallway towards the beds.

He wanted that smell and wanted it bad.
He knew it was closer and this made him glad.

Inside she sat resolved to make a sacrifice,
“Drink it I must,” she said with a long sigh.

Down it went, one liter, two liter, three!
“Oh no, no!” cried distressed Madam Marie.

Just then the door swung wide open,
They looked in white terror but saw no one.

Toothpaste all over the walls from Madam Marie,
Down in a faint fell poor Ruby Jean!

Still they saw no one but peered over the bed slowly.
What did they see? Nothing save rolly polly.

More toothpaste and then more fainting
As those two plastic eyes were penetrating.

“It’s cute” said one,
“It’s ugly” said the other.

Oh, but the poor little determined mole.
He had missed his chance and had to go home.

“It’ll be okay honey dear!” said Ruby Jean
and poking his pink nose was Madam Marie.

She stroked his fur and told him to stop squinting,
While Miss Ruby was terribly wincing.

And so ends the story of our mole and root beer.
Indeed it is a strange one I most certainly fear.

But now as we speak, in a little white house in front of a computer screen.
Lay two young ladies laughing so hard they are going to scream!

They don’t know what to say or what to do.
Only that they wish you understood this too!

The End!

Please do me the favor of clearing my name off the insane list to your fellow readers, Ruby. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Greetings James,

You see, I decided that instead of having Ruby pen us some lovely prose, I would instead! Now, I must alert you friend, after reading that – that is if you chose to read it – you must undoubtedly consider me as the most maniacal lunatic within Ruby’s acquaintance. Well, I'm not... :-)

Oh, I know that Rachel will eventually read it too. Don’t think too much about okay, Rach! Just ask the two girls on Saturday what its was about and then you will get it. :-)

I had to explain that unorthodox action a little bit and I hope that it was enjoyed by at least two readers - if not more!
Bye now,

Chloe (aka 'Melanie') said...

*clears throat...*

excuse, me... I don't know what Ryan's problem is, but *I* wrote that...

Anonymous said...

Oh Ruby darling! I can't believe you did that. And I am now grateful you were at Livvy's instead of my house...I mean, for just that one night. Because I probably would have been sleep talking about it! ...and that would have been REALLY weird.

Yes Ryan, I get it. I've spoken to Ruby a couple times since she's been at the Howard's, and Olivia, of course. I miss them so much! Knowing Ruby is so close, but I can't see her is....idk the right word to use. But, I will see her on Saturday, which makes me happy.

I enjoyed your poem, it was very cute. ;-)

Love you Ruby! And Olivia!


James said...

I am really sorry, but i think I can take the title of "the most maniacal lunatic within Ruby’s acquaintance I really liked the verse, Do you have any Bards blood in you?