Last night I was thinking about when I grow up, and (Lord willing) am married and have a family. I realized that everything, everything will be different. I had just wrapped up a phone conversation with my friend Rachel Clarke. Even after I'm off the phone, I still laugh. But it suddenly dawned upon me that when we talk on the phone when we're older, she won't laugh the same way. We won't share the same kind of inside jokes as we do now. Olivia and I won't exchange the same kinds of letters. Ashley and I won't carry on the same way we do now. It will be like, "Yes, George is getting pretty big. He is starting to learn to read. How's Frank?" (Hopefully we won't be using those names.) It seemed to me that we would all be so unattractively mature in 20 or 30 years. Not that now we're attractively immature, but to me suddenly it seemed that being mature was growing up, and that thought is so unwelcome at this time.
It is always a good thing to enjoy childhood and youth, but it is not good to not want your childhood to leave you, and be caught up in thinking about it all the time. Because if you do, then you will have a very unpleasant childhood. And you will look back and say, "I could have had a marvelous time if I had not worried about growing up!" We must be thankful for the time that we are given. Of course, some people grow up faster than others, and I think I'm one of the slower ones. I'm in the very rear of the race. :) But it also does no good to wish you were older. Then you're thoughts will be, "Why didn't I enjoy my childhood while I had it?" I know some people (obviously elderly people) who have told me that they bitterly regretted not enjoying their youth.
Now I am not saying that I don't want to grow up because I'm afraid of everything that comes with motherhood, and the responsibilities and all that, because I know that in those things too I will find pleasure, even though there will be many trials to endure and get through. But the more I think about it, the more I like being young. If I could, I might even go to Neverland. :P Just kidding. I'm not that desperate.
When I thought about my approaching 15th birthday many months back, I always thought, "15?! I'll have to mature prematurely!" However, I'm finding that that's not true. Of course, I don't want to strive to be immature, but maybe I meant that I'll have to grow up prematurely. But as I haven't really done that yet, I'm thinking that I won't force myself to do it. Meanwhile, I can employ myself in various ways that are enjoyable, and yet give me training for when I finally do grow up. On my birthday, a friends mother asked me, "And are you excited to be 15?"
"Well," I said slowly. "I REALLY liked being 14."
But another thing I thought of last night was this. My daddy says that our generation (meaning their children's generation) is going to be hard. We have to become strong. We have to help raise a godly generation. I have a lot more I would say about this, but I can't put all my thoughts into the right words. But you get the general idea, right?
There really wasn't much point in this post, except that I just felt like I had to say something, and this was one of the easiest ways to do it. That's what usually happens with these kind of posts. I think my mind is a bit discombobulated. :P